It Has Begun

The neighborhood pool has been open for six days and my boys have been there at least four times.

Although this looks lovely and relaxing, it didn't last.

It was a struggle getting there as Big Boy had a meltdown about his brother and friend not being "friends".  Then, it was a struggle leaving the pool as Big Boy refused to get up from his sunbathing pose.  

I had taken out ground turkey this morning to thaw for tacos, one of their favorite dinners.  On the way home, I was told, "Here is the deal: we are having pizza, not tacos and we will have pizza tomorrow night and Saturday and Sunday.  I promise I will listen to you the first or second time you ask and will I still get Skylanders for my birthday if I'm good?"

How did this happen?  Where did my inquisitive, cute, kind little boys go?  

They got into a fight within ten minutes of returning home, capped with a round of door slamming.

The deal making needs to stop.  The demands need to stop.  The begging needs to stop.

We (I) need caring, compassion, consideration.  

I'd like this to be aimed at me, but I'd take a little showing towards others, too.

Let's Talk Lunch

I'm in a mood that isn't conducive to writing anything meaningful.  It's been a rough week.

I tried a little experiment with Big Boy this past week.

I've been an advocate of the gluten free diet.  I agree that artificial food dyes cause hyperactivity and aggression in children.  Not to be a hypocrite, I put Big Boy on a gluten free diet this week, in addition to his no artificial food dyes (which has been working for over a year).

I knew it had to be more fun.  I couldn't expect him to be okay without his really good bread and all the same accouterments.  So, I took a page from the traditional Bento Box lunch and found a divided container with a freezer pack lid.

Packing these lunches are much more fun for me, than the traditional "throw stuff in a baggie" lunch bag.  I saved four snack sized baggies that I normally would have used in this lunch.  Also eliminated the packaging on the Luna Protein Bar and the Baby Bell Light Cheese.

And the results?  He loved the presentation.  Liked most of the foods.  Everything but the bread.

That's how it is with gluten free.  Everything but the bread.  Now, I will contend that the bread used in his lunches was pretty good, it's not gluten bread.  There isn't a match for pre-made gluten free bread as of this day.  They are close, but not quite.  For me, I don't care.  I like my rolls and I always warm them, so I don't have an issue with cold, hard, stiff bread.

And most importantly...did removing the gluten benefit Big Boy's demeanor?

No.  Not at all.

In fact, this has been a pretty horrible week.  Anger, defiance, talking back, repetitions.  It's been a rough one.

So, tomorrow, it's back to real bread for the boy.  Maybe he'll cheer up.

The Trip that Launched Tears

It started out okay.  Not great, but okay.

We had the typical, Are we there yet? and How much longer? but the boys were watching movies, so it wasn't too bad.

I'm not going to tell you it was the best trip ever.  Because, although what we did was fun and the family we stayed with was fantastic, the behavior was less than enjoyable.  We drove from Buffalo to Maryland.  Maryland to Philadelphia.  Philadelphia to New Jersey.  New Jersey to NYC.  NYC to New Jersey.  New Jersey to Buffalo.  I should have expected it was too much.

I knew we would have bouts of anger and frustration. 

I just didn't think they would be as common place as a tourist in DC.

I made changes in diet and timing and 'free play' each day after the day before didn't work in attempt to make those bouts of anger diminish.

 Sometimes the anger was short, single phrases.  The type of talk that my mom would say, "Don't smart mouth me" - which is something I can't say to my Asperger Boy because literally he will comment about how a mouth can be smart.

Sometimes the anger lasted a long time.  I struggled with what to do.  I couldn't send him to his room.  I couldn't deny him the opportunity because it would take that same opportunity away from his brother, our family and me.  It was a challenge.

I learned a lot last week.





On day four, I broke down.  My patience was depleted.  My drive was halted.

I cried.

Big Boy noticed.

He cried and said, "All I wanted was a hug."

We hugged.

And we cried.

And we were okay.

Until the next day when it began again.

 

 

Open Book

 

One thing that bugs me about blogs is when life is perfect for the blogger.

Life is never perfect. As a reader, I want the joys and the heartache.

Today, I'm here to tell you about both of mine these past couple weeks.

Big Boy said it was okay for me to write about this today. He doesn't feel any different, so not even sure of my question.

In February, as a result of BB's IEP preparation, we met with a Nueropyschologist to work with Sam for nearly six hours over two days. She tested, talked, questioned, and became confused and charmed by our boy.

Two weeks ago, we got a diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome for our son.

This is not shocking to me, as I often questioned the ADHD diagnosis that was made by a doctor that believed everything that came from BB's mouth was honest. I still cringe at the mention of his name.

The joy I share with you today is immense. We have so much more support with an Autism diagnosis than we did with an ADHD diagnosis. I am joyful that when BB behaves undesirably, I am a bit more patient and understanding. I am very grateful for my patience. It's come in handy the weeks following the diagnosis, so many left messages and emails, so much waiting.

And this of course holds a bit of heartbreak as well. I wanted the best for my boy. I didn't want him to have to struggle. I wanted him to always fit in and be the "cool" kid. I wanted him to be willing to try anything.

Don't get me wrong, I know he can do many things. With the additional services he is now receiving, he will show me that all my dreams for him will not only come true, but I will be astounded with what he will accomplish.