I Always Dreamed

...that I would be a school teacher (or a hair stylist, until my mom described how I would have to wash my clients' hair, that dirty, greasy, dandruffed hair).

I remember in middle school practicing my Mrs. _______ name. Perfecting the fancy swirl and dips of the lovely simple name (I'm still messing up my Mrs. name 9 yrs later, two Z's are tough).

After I married Mr. Blank, we were going to have two children. A boy named Jack and then a beautiful little girl named _____. Never really had a name for the girl but she was beautiful from the very seconds of her life. This is unlike me. I wasn't the most attractive baby. My grandmother used to call me Rosebud, but I think that may have been more about the inside of a tightly scrunched and squished, slightly dying rose, instead of the beautiful blossom it is in full bloom.

I have jokingly said that if there was a pill to guarantee a girl, I'd try for a third. I wanted the daughter to make dresses and bonnets for. The girl to weave braids in her long hair. The girl to go shopping with and talk about boys to. The girl to teach to sew and weave. And the girl to help plan her wedding. And to see my daughter with child. Please note that I would not miss the drama, the hoochy Halloween costumes, or the female pre-teen angst.

But that was then.

Those are things that a mother can do with a son. And I am learning, that the emotions are just as strong, if not more. The togetherness and the friendship is there. We have trust and love and creativity. We have helpfulness and encouragement.

Sam has been working very hard in school and at home to control 'things' (we don't need to get into that here...I'm having a moment). For months, when I needed to go to Joann's, he was always with me. Loving yarn and fabric and craft supplies and even zippers. He always asked to buy the round knitting looms. I always pushed them off because I felt he just wanted them because they were colorful, round, and had pegs.

On Friday, I needed an orange zipper for that purse in the last post. We had praised O for using the toilet the night before and I thought Sam needed some encouragement. I bought him a knitting loom.

He really is enjoying it. On Friday night, while Tom took O to bed, Sam sat next to me. He with his loom, I with my hook.

"It's nice to have knitting time with you, Mom. We are best friends."

I may have bought him the loom, but he gave me my dreams.