Hello, My Name is Carrie

Happy New Year!

I've missed this blog.  My former boss used to say, "If you are going to work from home, you must get dressed and ready to work each morning in order to be productive."

I may have not bought into his mantra a couple years ago, but I have been thinking about it recently.  It's been a year and a half since I stopped working full time.  I had many plans.  I've done some, been sidetracked on others.

Building my Etsy shop was going to be my number one task.  I haven't done that.  I have four purses, almost complete, that could go on Etsy.  Instead, I made this:

And this:

And I've made other things, which are fulfilling, yet not money makers.

It's time to get dressed and be productive. 

~Carrie

The Rain

Forgive me readers, it's been much too long since my last post.

Our house phone rang at 3:24 am.  The confusion turns to panic, then turns to aggravation when it's an unknown number and dead air.

I had really wanted to sleep in, but was restless since then.

The rain is falling.  We have a part of our gutter that is bent and the water falls to the patio and creates a loud clapping sound.  Yes, I am truly awake, now.

Boys are all asleep and I think how great life has become.  It was hard a mere three years ago.  The load has lightened, our moods are brighter.   Our difficulties are different, but not worse.

Highlight the quiet, serene moments of life.

Even if they only last long enough to write one paragraph.

Pitter patter of little boy feet headed my way.

Half Way Through!

I'm not a big fan of summer.  It's just too hot most of the time for me.  I prefer snuggly sweaters and hot coffee to shorts and ice water.  This is one great way to cool off in our backyard.

On a day like today, where it's not hot (just hovering around 70), I move around quicker and actually get things done around the house.  Today, laundry day.  Three more loads to go and every clothing item in the house will be clean, perhaps not folded, but clean and dry.

There are parts of summer I like:  gardening.  ice cream.  cold showers.  swim lessons.  And the moment I realize the boys go back to school in five weeks!  Halfway, Moms, halfway!

First tomato and hungarian pepper

Dahlia Bud

 

Hot Dog

It Has Begun

The neighborhood pool has been open for six days and my boys have been there at least four times.

Although this looks lovely and relaxing, it didn't last.

It was a struggle getting there as Big Boy had a meltdown about his brother and friend not being "friends".  Then, it was a struggle leaving the pool as Big Boy refused to get up from his sunbathing pose.  

I had taken out ground turkey this morning to thaw for tacos, one of their favorite dinners.  On the way home, I was told, "Here is the deal: we are having pizza, not tacos and we will have pizza tomorrow night and Saturday and Sunday.  I promise I will listen to you the first or second time you ask and will I still get Skylanders for my birthday if I'm good?"

How did this happen?  Where did my inquisitive, cute, kind little boys go?  

They got into a fight within ten minutes of returning home, capped with a round of door slamming.

The deal making needs to stop.  The demands need to stop.  The begging needs to stop.

We (I) need caring, compassion, consideration.  

I'd like this to be aimed at me, but I'd take a little showing towards others, too.

The Camper, the Ear and the Pup

I've been distant.

I've been wrapped up in other things that keep me away from my computer and photographs.

Here's a recap and random thoughts:

1.  A pop up camper is a really cool hideout for kids, unless it's closed, and then it's a real big pain for parents' ears..."you will open the camper tonight, or else!"

2.  Playing in the dirt is so much fun, until the poison ivy on your hands scratches the open sore on you neck.

2.a.  Antibiotics help an ear that is swollen twice the size and red and floppy, however, antibiotics with food coloring make boy crazy.

2.b.  Sometimes, a cold beer is the best medicine for Mom.

3.  Vertigo sucks.

4.  A puppy is a wonderful addition to any house, just use lots of air freshener.

4.a.  A puppy is a lot of work.

5.  Blogging makes me feel normal, again.

Yo Betty!

I took the boys, plus one, to Yo Betty tonight.  They were upset that the owners replaced the colorful chairs with standard chairs - so they sat at the window tonight.

As we were walking through the parking lot past the corner grocery mart, an older lady was gingerly putting her groceries in her car.  She was smiling at my pack of boys.  As we got closer, I was thinking she needed help with her gallon of water, but instead, she said, "Oh my, are those all yours?"

"No, two are."

"Is that little one yours?  He is handsome.  Aren't you a good looking boy!"

"(blank stare)" from Little Man.

"Oh, you two aren't bad looking either."

I giggled to myself.

Then enjoyed my New York Cheesecake Frozen yogurt with fresh blueberries and strawberries.  YUM.

The Trip that Launched Tears

It started out okay.  Not great, but okay.

We had the typical, Are we there yet? and How much longer? but the boys were watching movies, so it wasn't too bad.

I'm not going to tell you it was the best trip ever.  Because, although what we did was fun and the family we stayed with was fantastic, the behavior was less than enjoyable.  We drove from Buffalo to Maryland.  Maryland to Philadelphia.  Philadelphia to New Jersey.  New Jersey to NYC.  NYC to New Jersey.  New Jersey to Buffalo.  I should have expected it was too much.

I knew we would have bouts of anger and frustration. 

I just didn't think they would be as common place as a tourist in DC.

I made changes in diet and timing and 'free play' each day after the day before didn't work in attempt to make those bouts of anger diminish.

 Sometimes the anger was short, single phrases.  The type of talk that my mom would say, "Don't smart mouth me" - which is something I can't say to my Asperger Boy because literally he will comment about how a mouth can be smart.

Sometimes the anger lasted a long time.  I struggled with what to do.  I couldn't send him to his room.  I couldn't deny him the opportunity because it would take that same opportunity away from his brother, our family and me.  It was a challenge.

I learned a lot last week.





On day four, I broke down.  My patience was depleted.  My drive was halted.

I cried.

Big Boy noticed.

He cried and said, "All I wanted was a hug."

We hugged.

And we cried.

And we were okay.

Until the next day when it began again.

 

 

Beautiful Day for the Playground

Big Boy is going through a construction vehicle stage. He wants to build buildings when he grows up. Specifically to build a tall tower that, when people get to the top, will crumble.

We are working on cause and effect.

Their elementary school has some cool diggers that are "perfect practice" for his future career.

The best part, clear view from the parking lot. Yes, I'm that mom that I didn't understand five years ago. "What mom takes her kids to the playground, but sits in her car?" Well my friends, I am her.

Needless to say, you can see by the snow, that it's cold out there, even for Buffalo standards. The boys lasted nearly an hour.

Best hour I've spent at the playground in a long time.

If I see you at the playground with your kids, I'll honk a "Hello".

Mom Bucks...Carrie Style

Oh yeah!  Trying something new.

Here's my problem.  My kids don't value money like I wish they would.  They don't really save, they often spend on stupid toys or general junk.

I want that to change.

They also misbehave often (I know, here I go being honest, the rarity of parenting blogs). 

I want them to behave like little (quiet) gentlemen.

The boys love turtles, so that was a given.  And since I'll probably not ever get my mug on a buck, I indulged.

Want to see a closeup?



 

Cute, right?

 

Back to the Bucks.  The boys can earn the bucks by doing good things around the house.  I started them off with $5 each for shoveling the driveway and sidewalk.  They did a great job and I watched from inside.  Well worth the $10.

 

They can earn the 25 cent ones for a great morning routine (only asking once to eat, dress, brush, etc.). 

 

The bucks can also be taken away.  Taking a Mom Buck is easier than taking a child's real legal tender - something just seems wrong with that.  Little Man got a 25 cent one taken away tonight.

 

In order for them to learn how to save, I've offered a double your money scheme.  When they get a Mom Buck, I date it.  If they have saved it for a month or two or three (haven't really decided yet), then I will double that money.  Bucks can only be doubled once.

 

I'm hoping they learn kindness, value of money and saving, and continue to do household chores on a more routine basis.

 

Mom Bucks are good for when Mom only has plastic in her wallet and for purchasing items on line (where they are often cheaper).

 

I'll circle back with you when I'm broke and my kids are rich to let you know how it worked (or didn't).

 

 

Dos Babettes

Today, I finished the border on Little Man's Babette Blanket.

This is my favorite blanket patter ever!  It's fun, interesting and surprising.

It's also 'chair confining'.  This isn't a blanket you can take with you.  There are so many different colors and you rarely use the same color in more than two rounds, usually just one round.  I had three bags of yarn, so traveling with this wasn't an option.  I didn't even change seats in the house.  I tucked my yarn bags next to one chair and that's where I've been hooking.  And hooking.  And watching TV on my iPad (Shameless, House of Lies, Girls, Homeland..so good).



Little Man's Babette

I finished at about noon today.  Three times since, I've looked at the chair and wanted to get back to the yarn.

Both Babette's Together

My next task is getting into my luxury basement studio.  I have to dig a path into it first.  In the Christmas rush, it got icky.  Boxes and balls of yarn and garbage and receipts and just stuff all over the place.  There is even a double sink, faucet, crystal chandelier and air hockey table in there.  No wonder I can barely move in there!

Once I get into the studio, I have to run some yarn through the knitting machine.  I have a couple purses I need to get moving on...I've been very delinquent.  Note to anyone that asks for a custom bag, give me a deadline.  I don't do well with "When you have a chance".  I need to work on that.

If I'm lost, look in the basement, until then, thanks for reading!



No Wire Hangers

I dropped the F bomb tonight.

Bad Mommy.

I couldn't take it anymore. He pushed and pushed and didn't do a simple every day task.

I gave them both some extra time to play because the homework was done quickly, correctly and with only one prompt, success in my book.

But, after they played and goofed around, "shower time" came. And was stalled, "just one more minute"; "almost done"; "it's his turn to go first"; "wait, mom, one more...". This went on for 30 minutes. Big Boy got upstairs and it was 20 minutes when it happened.

"Get in the fucking shower."

As bad as it sounds, it worked. It wasn't the first or twentieth time he heard the word and it won't be the last. I rarely swear in front of the boys, but there are times when being nice and gentle just don't work.

He got in the shower. He cried. And came out with a smile. I apologized, explained myself, and told him I loved him, no matter what.

Then I had a glass of wine.

Am I alone?

The Secret Society

I have a son with ADHD.

I have another son with Epilepsy.

The ADHD was diagnosed in the summer of 2010.

The Epilepsy was diagnosed in the summer of 2012.

Why do I feel more knowledgeable with epilepsy than I do with the ADHD?

It isn't for lack of reading and experimenting and testing.  I've done it all.  The last Psychologist said, "Well, I don't really think we can do anything for [Big Boy], you are already implementing everything I would suggest."

Why is it that when I talk to anyone (other than a close friend) about ADHD and the fact that my son HAS it, do they lower their voice?  It happened the other day at the school.  I was talking to a school employee and she lowered her voice so that the other person couldn't hear.  It wasn't so that we wouldn't disturb anyone.  (I don't question this employees whispering, I happen to think she will be the key to Big Boy's success.)  Why whisper?  Are we as society ashamed of ADHD?

It really hit me that day.  ADHD is a Secret Society.  As a mom, I've felt alone.  Abandoned.  Fighting our own family battle to get some help for our son.  No parent has ever come up to me and said, "Hey, you look like you may be struggling with [Big Boy], I want you to know my son, daughter, nephew, neighbor, etc. has ADHD and it's nothing to be ashamed of."

Many years ago I went to an Adult Education class on finding your Spiritual Angels.  I know, corny, but I've always felt connected to the spiritual world and I was grasping at straws for answers and guidance, so tried everything.  While immersed in meditation in this class, I began to cry.  I had connected with 'something/someone' and I could hear myself feeling guilty for the ADHD diagnosis.  That was the first bombshell.  I actually felt responsible.  The classmates helped me understand that it is nothing to feel guilty about.  Feeling guilty adds a great unnecessary burden.  A burden that sticks in the mud and doesn't bring anything positive to the situation.

And the second bombshell is the whispering.  Why must we whisper?

ADHD is a is a neurobehavioral disorder. Guess what?  Epilepsy is a chronic neurological disorder.  So why does saying "my kid has epilepsy" vs. "my kid has ADHD" garner totally different responses?  Granted, ADHD doesn't involve seizures, but both have a medication, both are neurological, and both affect learning.

ADHD isn't a nasty cold sore you try to cover up.  It isn't an excuse to defend my poor parenting skills.  It needs to be nurtured and cared for by not only the parents, but teachers and friends, too.  How can others even begin to understand the needs of my son if no one knows he has this disorder? 

I used to be worried about the ADHD label.  I think the stigma of labeling of kids has decreased as the frequency of kids that need extra help has increased.  Was I worried or ashamed of the label?

Screw the label.  Label away.

My kid needs help and I'm not going to whisper anymore.

 

 

351/366: Milk Glasses

 

 

Have you seen these?

 

Silly little straws.

 

And they really are silly.  St. Nick brought these for the kids.  He has such a sense of humor, that big guy.

 

The more colorful the drink, the more fun.

 

 But you know what isn't fun?

Cleaning them.  It's tough!  There was a lot of curse words.

The boys haven't asked to use them since.  Oh, and there was a freak out when they boys tried to use the same glass of milk and yes, there was crying over spilt milk.

And they weren't my tears.

One thumb up if you use them as a disposable straw...or leave them at Grandma's house for her to clean!

344/366: Our Tree

As these boys get older, the token Christmas photo gets more challenging (see Monday post!).

This was another 'not-quite-right' shot.  I guess you can never repeat the shot of years past and get the same feeling in your gut.  This is cute, but doesn't really tell a story, except that I'm behind the camera shouting commands and rules.  They don't follow my directions very much.  I think they are tired of my camera.

Today I'll dine with the ladies of Tom's family.  It's a nice bunch of women and I'm enjoying all the different places we eat.  Been lucky this year, I've found gluten free options every place we've been.

I hope you are able to take an afternoon to connect with family and friends.  It truly is special.

343/366: Token Christmas Picture

Tom and I decided to make the Christmas Tree hunt a family fun event.  We were all together, doing something fun.  Picking out and cutting down our very own tree.  We did this one other time with better results than yesterday, but still not favorable reactions from the boys.

This all started when I asked the boys to get their boots, protecting their new sneakers from mud.

Well, Big Boy's boots no longer fit.  Not surprisingly, either.  He was upset and wouldn't wear his old sneakers.  I didn't want to reward him for complaining, but I knew that he did need bigger and in my mind, new boots, new attitude.

All four of us clogged into Target to the boot section.  It was not good.  Big Boy is very picky, just like his mom.  There were only three styles to choose from.  One didn't have a size we needed.  The second were too big around the leg.  The third were too hard to put on.  Yup.  Good times.  Eventually, with assistance and reassurance that the boots will become easier to close, we found a pair of boots.  He walked to the register in them and into the car. 

Deep breath.  Kid is coming back.  He was still upset, but we were both trying to make it better.

I'm not sure if this is an ADHD thing, or just my boy's thing.  I'd like to blame it on ADHD, but it doesn't really fit that cookie cutter.  So, we talk, we reassure, we repeat and then repeat again.

Other than having fun and getting a tree, I really wanted to capture the Christmas card photo.  When we first arrived, Santa was there.  There was a cute bench-super easy and quick. 

And then, this happened:

Little Man found Santa to be "creepy".  I kind of don't blame him.  However, it kind of sucked.  Two seconds on the bench.  Nope.  He wouldn't have it.  He would, however, take a candy cane from Creepy Santa.  Little Man's not too creeped out for candy.

Moving on...

We looked.  We were chilly.  The boys were cold.  You'd think they were hiking through the tundra in minus 10 degrees with no boots on.

And then Big Boy got blisters from the new boots.  Good stuff, right?

We found a tree.  Notice I didn't say THE tree.  It was just a tree.  It's a perfectly nice tree, but after all the drama, we just picked one that was upright and not dead in the center.

While Tom cut it down, I attempted the Token Christmas Photo.

 "Big Boy, look up.  No, not you Little Man.  Look at me, not in the sky."

"You told me to look up, I'm looking up."

"Fine, we won't open our eyes."

Yup.  It was a bust.

Making family memories, one day at a time.



311/366: Ghost Boys

 After all the candy was collected, sorted and partially eaten, my boys had a dance off.  Or what they called, "Rockstar Show".  It was exciting.  Unfortunately, it was performed to a full house and only a one night engagement.

They were so crazy dancing and jerking around in a less than graceful manner.  They made me smile.  I slowed my shutter speed down to let in the light - since it was dark except for the disco ball - and got these ghostly images.

Perfect for the eve of All Saints Day!

301/366: Slow Day

Without suggestion, these two boys of mine played nicely in the basement with Lincoln Logs and Hot Wheels for about an hour.  Then they both came upstairs and started reading.

Apparently, Little Man is attempting to read all of the Captain Underpants Books (Nine in all) in two days.

Big Boy is just being cool, and reading for fun.

I am folding more laundry.  Load number 9 is in the washer.  At least one more remains.  It's been a long day at the laundry.

The rain is drizzly, the house is cozy and I have dinner in the oven and it smells like home.

292/366: My Guy

On Saturday, we had family day.  I wrote about it here.

I'm just now thinking back on that day with good memories.  We certainly packed a lot into that day.  My guy above made it all happen. 

We started with a walk on the River.

Everything was a bland steel gray and beige.  Until I found this ivy type plant growing on the base of the bridge.

And the rusted fencing.

This was one of those 'walks' that I've always wanted to do, but never did.  I've lived in Buffalo all but 6 years of my life and this was my very first time on the pier.

Very cool.

281/366: September Fun



You can tell Big Boy is concentrating...


Even though Pintember consumed a great deal of my time, we still had time for some fun.

Both boys have joined Cub Scouts this year, so double the fun, right?

We signed up for the Cub Mobile this year.  Where the boys and parents build each go cart, and the ramp, then race them down the ramp.

It was quite fun.