My Apple

I'm very intrigued by psychic abilities.

I was never quite sure if I was feeling something or not.  Then, Nancy told me to picture a green apple in my mind.  I did.  Then she said, that is how you see spirit. 

Really?  It's not a giant ghost-like apparition, a smokey blob, a cold spot?  It's just an apple in my mind?

Yesterday was a strange day.  One of those days where you feel like people are talking about you.  All around.  But this time it wasn't earth-bound people.  It was something more.

In church, I often day dream about places and people.  When I listen to the choir (voices of angles, just phenomenal), I can see members of the congregation that have passed, sitting above us in comfortable chairs enjoying the beautiful sounds and voices of the service.  I was thinking about how things appear. And disappear.

It was Transfiguration Sunday.  

"Jesus became radiant, spoke with Moses and Elijah, and was called "Son" by a voice in the sky, assumed to be God the Father."

I guess it was a small moment.  Not a glaring, punch in the face, moment.  But one that still has me confused.  Confused in a good way.  As the sermon went on, Pastor Bang mentioned just that...the small moments of clarity or spirit like connection.  Whack me in the face and call me blind.  What am I supposed to see?

And then, Kate Goodwill Anderson.

Kate and I worked at the same company in Chicago.  She worked on the 'garden' level and I on the 8th floor of the Wrigley Building.  We were cordial.  We may have had lunch together once, but we rode the same train home.  She'd get off before me.  And that was it.  I liked her, though.  Adorable, kind, sweet, quiet.  Just seemed like a nice all around girl.

And then, one day she didn't come to work.  She committed suicide.  Reports afterward from her sister were that she took pills, called her sister to come help, but they couldn't get into her building in time.  She didn't really want to die and it was a mistake.  That has stuck with me for a long time.  I would say that I think about her once a week.  Which seems to be a lot now that I calculate it in my head.  This was over 10 years ago.

But yesterday...it was huge.  I couldn't shake the feeling and thoughts about Kate.  My mind told me (because I'm still not sure if I'm making this up in my mind or it's really spirit coming through) that at the time, she made a mistake, but she is okay and just fine.  And this will be a lesson for me.  I needed this to happen for my lesson.  And I kept replaying this lesson.  I need to know this lesson to share with others. 

My kids?  Friends?  I just don't quite get it.

Maybe someday I will.

It was my transfiguration.

It was my green apple.

It was Kate.